Infatuation

INFATUATION: the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion.

One defines infatuation as unreasoned passion. They fail to describe the true feelings that being infatuated imply. A burning desire, an ignited fire that refuses to die. Emotions floating on high, in a daze, caught in a maze that began with a crush and ends in love.

I feel that being infatuated may be harder to deal with being in love. When one is in love, he or she has already accepted the fact that their heart belongs to someone else. When one is infatuated, he or she has to come to terms with the fact that they are slowly but surely losing control of their emotions. Once control is lost, there is only a matter of time before that person loses ownership of their own heart. And for people like me, who have been hurt plenty of times before, it is very hard to allow someone else to have control of your heart. I can feel myself slowly losing control of my heart and it is very hard for me to come to terms with this. I have willingly given my heart away in the past and in the end I found myself by myself, picking up the pieces. But I will not speak any more on that, I try not to be bitter. But anyways, I made a vow to myself that I would not willingly allow myself to get hurt. Both times that I have allowed infatuation to develop into love, I ended up in tears. Sadly, I have begun to associate love with heartbreak, which leaves me very suspicious about falling in love again. But I know that I cannot allow previous mistakes to keep me away from a possible future of happiness. So, I guess I'm trying to say that I did not think being infatuated would be this difficult. It kind of makes me want to run away. I hate being this vulnerable. I mean, I don't want to seem like I'm running away from love, but maybe I kind of am, because I have experienced much it can hurt. So instead of admitting the fact that I can see myself being in love with someone, I choose not to even think about it. Living day by day as we like to call it. Now, I have this yearning inside that I'm starting to realize that I cannot hide and you can't really keep yourself from being in love because it's really hard to hide how you feel. Damn this infatuation.