Broken Emotions

Confused, mentally abused as I refuse to believe that this is happening to me. How can this be? I actually started believing that I could be happy. But of course happiness is just a figure of my imagination, an imitating me, giggling and laughing, thrilled that there in no longer a we, only you and I as I cry wondering where is all came from, trying to decide if I'm stupid or just plain dumb not to see this coming, just assuming that everything was fine as you died inside and longed for a way out. Now I doubt if you were ever happy in the first place, fake smile on your face, pretending that everything was okay when it's not. So you finally let it out and my insides experience a drought as every liquid leaks from me in the form of tears,emotions so deep, one would think we were together for years. I grow dreary because I can't seem to understand what seems to have went wrong, even though I act as is I've known it all along, the reality is that it really caught me off guard. I try to be strong, but I can't stop the flood of tears, eyes bloodshot, shearing red. Now I dread even hearing the sound of your voice. I wonder if we could ever be friends again. Instinctively, I say yes, I could pretend that our relationship never started so that our friendship won't end. But then again, It's so damn hard. I can't stand being around something I had but could never have, this is more than the aftermath of a broken fling, a summer thing that blossomed into to something more. This was the makings of something that had been building for years, tiers upon tiers, only to have our building torn apart. Now I'm left with a broken heart and broken emotions and my devotions once again put me to shame and leave me in severe pain.