It's Complicated...

This is the biggest disaster. Thought I had mastered the art of hidden desires, captured the skill of masking attraction. So then why does this infatuation burn so? Smiles frozen on my face, butterflies settling ever so in place, resting in the pit of my stomach. Heart plummeting further with each day that passes, with every conversation that lasts beyond the break of the sun. Told myself I wouldn't allow myself to run with this, now I'm feeling nothing short of bliss, pissed that I cannot resist. Despite myself, it seems that I'm falling in like....I'm supposed to be on love strike, this isn't what I wanted, too haunted by relationships gone and friendships lost, traumatized by the costs of feelings caught, companionship ruined and once solidified connections, now distraught. But you understand my personality, match my sense of humor perfectly, embrace my awkward sense of beauty, accept the weirdness that is me. Causes my heart to radiate with laughter, but I fear the consequence of this moving any faster. For I am still a wreck, a mess, damaged, distressed. I can't manage the stress that comes with being involved, my heart still dissolved in madness unresolved. Can't rely on you to defy the odds, fix the pieces, rid me of past grievances. I must heal on my own. Too stubborn, stuck on being solo. Lone. Therefore protected from ever being disrespected ever again. Refusing to mend. Isolated from all. But still you continue to crush through this wall, exposing my interior, vulnerability at its best, feeling inferior, my insecurity clinching on for dear life. I fear baring my soul, but you refuse to retreat. I warn you, loving me is no cinching feat.

I'm Finally Famous,
but I been Phaymus,
too dedicated to waste time away aimlessly.
Advancing daily,
elevating beyond your wildest belief.
Leaving the bullshit behind,
turning over a new leaf.
Tired of niggas being constantly stuck on the past.
Fuck that,
I'm about making my future last.
Refusing to be trapped
in the same tired ass routine.
I'm devoted to developing my destiny.
Making a Statement, creating a new MOVEMENT.
hop of the bandwagon, and join the improvement.

All Sides Of Me

Jeans right,
Dunks bright,
fitted sitting on top of the fro.
High-top Chucks and sweats,
hoodie zipped, ready to go.
Pants high-waist,
boots laced,
slid right above the thigh.
Dress tight,
make-up light,
heels four inches high.
Hair curled,
ears pearled,
Shorts hanging to the knee.
True to myself, I'm whoever I want to be,
So don't be surprised when exposed to EVERY side of me.

The Exorcism

Hidden dreams, clouded by visible nightmares.
In dire need of strength,
Praying to God,
please awaken me from this despair.
Fearful of sleep, constant avoidance
of the demons that creep
throughout the crevices of my mind.
Searching for this guardian angel of mine,
but this so called savior,
I cannot find.
Seems that I'm forced to face this struggle alone.
Somehow I must conjure the courage
to defeat this battle on my own.
Now as I rest my head upon this pillow
and drift off into this place called hell,
I am determined,
these monsters must be dispelled.
Preparing myself
for the toughest of confrontation
Out these spirits must be cast.
In order to embrace beautiful dreams,
I must rid myself of the evils
that continue to haunt my past.

Under Contruction

I am UNDER CONSTRUCTION,
In desperate need of reproduction,
unsatisfied with what I have become to be.
Architecture of a better me,
Development of a peaceful self,
Amplification of my self-wealth,
existing in and outside the realms of my mind.
Ridding of the disparity it once confined,
Relying on gratification to take its place.
Creating a self-image that I can embrace,
Finding a way to happiness, redefined.
Welcoming the woman I will become, in due time,
STRONG and POWERFUL, beauty redesigned.