Case Of The Ex

Surprised that I still feel butterflies whenever your name crosses my mind. A beautiful nightmare that I should have known would bring about despair and yet I still chose not to care. An unyielding desire that sparked an erupting fire whose smoke was not returned. A painfully yearning, sinfully burning addiction, devastating affliction, heavily doped on the thought of love. A fatal attraction as I would have died trying to seek your satisfaction, still amazed by my dramatic reaction to your interest, distressed that I am still a mess every time you confess your feelings to me. Begging that you put my heart out of its misery. Refusing to fantasize about you and I in finer times, struggling against my need for reality and greed for optimism, often leading to a broken heart. Torn between wanting to work it out and knowing that we should be apart.

The Rain

I see the beauty in rain.
Standing in its glory, pouring down my skin.
A cool shower that covers me, clouds hover over me.
Soothing as it rolls, seeping into my soul.
Refreshing, a disguised blessing,
dressing itself as fearful weather,
secretly a treasure designed solely to heal.
Never knew beauty like this
each drop feels like a forbidden kiss sealing unconditional love.
Puddles gather deep as the sky weeps
tears people refuse to shed, a tortured soul,
destined to suffer the pain that others hold inside.
Nothing more powerful than these tears cried
Addressing the fears that others hide.

Smiling

Recently I've been feeling a little down and out, 0ver-analyzing about what things could have been but ceased to be. Constantly frowning about why my life has not been going my way. But I figure that there's no need to sit around drowning in negativity. I have so much going for me. No need to complain about spoiled milk, especially when God has been spoiling me in so many other ways. I have a beautiful family, and no matter how broken it may be, I'm glad that its the one I have. I'm blessed to have so many people out there caring about me. PLUS I'm practically a genius! Okay no not really but being able to maintain a 3.78 GPA at a prestigious college while being on a dance team with two jobs is a feat within itself. AND I have never wanted for anything in my life. Everything that I have wanted and needed (and even a few things I didn't want) I have been given easily. My mother and grandmother made sure of it. I have amazing friends that have stood by me, helping overcome all of the bullshit that I have faced in my life. I can't really ask for more than that. So instead of frowning on the few things that have not gone my way in life, I'm going to smile about the many things that have gone right and trust that everything that has not yet fallen into to place for me will eventually do so in due time :)