Infection

Fatal desires inspire my heart, passion spiraling out of control, boldly lust brushes across my soul, feeding my insides with yearning that sears through my spine. Blindsided by a wave of emotion fueled by tender devotion enticing my mind and spirit. Infatuation creating devastation in its path as its wrath plagues my essence of being. Disgraced at my willingness, an eager servant to LOVE and its power, longing to be showered with affection, losing all constraint as LOVE has no restraints, faint in the knees, as its strength leaves me helpless, weak. Victimized by its passion, forced to imagine happiness in every fashion. Diseased, as desires seep through my veins, infecting my bloodstream. Witness to homicide as LOVE murders the negativity, shredding it at the seams. Haunting my dreams, visions of holding hands and laughter, horrific disasters that infatuation has mastered my heart to have faith in. Once again LOVE wins as I can no longer compete, corrupted, my body succumbs to this beautiful defeat.

Torture

Eyes hazed, mind dazed, this current phase created by those who've betrayed me. Restless sleep as my soul slumbers deep but my hollow body lies wide awake. A paralyzed state ,trance, as disbelief dances mystically through my head. The living dead couldn't instill any more dread than what you've caused, lost as time continues to pause around me, haunting nightmares surround me. Drowning, suffering as Lady Luck keeps toughening her hatred of me. Disparity, as clarity seeps from my mind. Someone's vendetta, undefined, cursing my life, one disaster at a time. Losing faith as optimism is replaced by hopelessness ans distress. Why have I inherited this mess? While I confess that I haven't been the best, no one deserves this form of torture. NO cure in sight as surely events increasingly aggravate my plight. Somewhere something went wrong, too cushioned by fantasies of everything going right. Now everywhere I turn, grudges are being formed, bridges left burned. I'm a prisoner caught, undeniably distraught as these demons cannot destroyed, or fought.

Definition of Love

I know I haven't posted anything "non-poetic" on here in a while but a good friend of mine raised an important topic that sparked my interest. She determined that people nowadays are using the word "love" too loosely. And I completely agree. Hell, I admit I'm one of those people. I too have used "loving someone" and "being in love with someone" interchangeably. Too many people are getting the concept of love and infatuation confused. Dictionary.com defines infatuation as "foolish or all-absorbing passion." I couldn't agree with this definition more. People embark in relationships fueled solely on foolish passion alone, and label having "passion" for one another as being in love. But what happens once that passion dies out? People realize that it wasn't love after all. I feel like people don't understand the meaning of the word anymore. They just throw it out there because it SOUNDS good.Everyone wants to be in love, but not everyone understands what being in love entails. Too many people are just in love with the idea of being in love. Being in a relationship and being in love are two things that seemingly go hand in hand. Most don't realize that they are two separate entities. Being in a relationship is meant to help people find love together, but that love is something that must be built. It's extremely rare for people to enter a new relationship already in love with one another. It seems like people don't realize the difference between "loving someone" and being "in love with someone."I can't sit here and pretend that there is some universal definition or code for being in love. It's a feeling that has different characteristics for different people. But I can sit here and say that people these days don't know what love is NOT. The "love" that people are basing their relationships off of nowadays has no strength behind it. It gets relationships nowhere. It has no sense of devotion behind it. "Devotion is an intense love and steadfast, enduring loyalty to a person." And that's just it. Love these days have no intensity, NO loyalty. Next time I say I'm in love with someone, it will mean that I am intensely dedicated and devoted to making the best out of our relationship. And if that's not what you mean when you say it in return....then you might as well just not say it to me at all.

Clouded Judgment

Plagued with negativity, cursed with the propensity to approach opportunity defensively. Immensely perturbed by the notion that happiness undisturbed no longer exists.Sheer bliss once experienced as kids suffers extinction,dismissed, as madness of adulthood commences. Drowning in trenches of tears expelled over the years as the inability to maintain positivity continuously breathes life into reoccurring fears. Self-obstructing my pathways to success. Opening professing the counterintuitive nature of pessimism yet hypocritically obsessing over my contentment with anti-optimism. Unable to possess the strength needed to face the demons impeding my progress, embedded in my mind, brainwashing me into believing negativity is fine, in fact desired as positive emotions no longer transpire from my soul. I imagine having a heart this cold is unhealthy as negativity refuses to unfold itself from my veins, intertwined so deep that doubt seeps into my blood, uncertainty fueling my clouded heart.

A Liar's Wrath

beautiful lies.
mistrust disguised.
honesty hidden deep inside.
truth that cries to be unleashed.
madness that refuses to cease.
thought we had tamed this beast.
And yet she lives on.
stronger than before,
yearned for our destruction and pain.
Tell me what's to gain?
I'm stressed and drained,
my heart can't maintain this strain.
Please refrain
from your vicious attacks and deceit.
I cannot compete with being victimized
as you fail to realize
the devastation you cause.
with every lie you continue to recite.

Kindergarten Crush

You utter the most angelic things,
Leave my stomach fluttering, face blushing,
flustering over my words and thoughts.
Caught up beyond lust,
feeling prepubescent,
crush as pure as in adolescence,
reverted back to giddy innocence
of childhood.
Just a kiss and a smile
makes me feel so good,
drives me wild.

It's Complicated...

This is the biggest disaster. Thought I had mastered the art of hidden desires, captured the skill of masking attraction. So then why does this infatuation burn so? Smiles frozen on my face, butterflies settling ever so in place, resting in the pit of my stomach. Heart plummeting further with each day that passes, with every conversation that lasts beyond the break of the sun. Told myself I wouldn't allow myself to run with this, now I'm feeling nothing short of bliss, pissed that I cannot resist. Despite myself, it seems that I'm falling in like....I'm supposed to be on love strike, this isn't what I wanted, too haunted by relationships gone and friendships lost, traumatized by the costs of feelings caught, companionship ruined and once solidified connections, now distraught. But you understand my personality, match my sense of humor perfectly, embrace my awkward sense of beauty, accept the weirdness that is me. Causes my heart to radiate with laughter, but I fear the consequence of this moving any faster. For I am still a wreck, a mess, damaged, distressed. I can't manage the stress that comes with being involved, my heart still dissolved in madness unresolved. Can't rely on you to defy the odds, fix the pieces, rid me of past grievances. I must heal on my own. Too stubborn, stuck on being solo. Lone. Therefore protected from ever being disrespected ever again. Refusing to mend. Isolated from all. But still you continue to crush through this wall, exposing my interior, vulnerability at its best, feeling inferior, my insecurity clinching on for dear life. I fear baring my soul, but you refuse to retreat. I warn you, loving me is no cinching feat.