Chasing Desires

Thrust into a difficult matter, toggling between beauty and disaster. The master of getting a broken heart. Sometimes all I want is a fresh start, but something urges me to look back and I resort to exactly what I know, a bruised love that I can't let go. Torn, I can't force myself to turn the page. In this day and age I'm comforted by the familiarity. A fan of clarity, fearful of uncertainty, being vulnerable to someone hurting me. But then again that someone could be you. How can I be certain your feelings are true? What we have could be magical, theatrical, another love never known to be this real. Or is it surreal, a false ordeal you created because you could. A conniving con artist that's just that good. But I've had a taste of how your love could be. Nothing dare matches its beauty. Marvelous enough to be worth the scrutiny. Only an idiot would pass the opportunity to be adored so thoroughly. So blindly I'll march through this fire, drawn by the need to catch what I desire.

Hopelessly Swept

How naive of me to continue falling constantly. Shame on me as I can blame no one but me. For eternity I have yearned for thee patiently. Debating whether or not that tender spot in my heart would mend before I allowed you another chance to bruise it once again. I have desired for you to aspire to fill the void that you left. I have witnessed the theft of my heart as it was no longer enough for you to tear it apart. You made it your mission to make sure it could never beat for another as I eagerly refused to run for cover, excited for the delight you bring, enabling it to mask the pain. And you're doing it again. When I finally thought I was strong enough to say no you rush along urging for us to let the madness go, start anew, grant you the opportunity to drag me through more scrutiny. Hopelessly swept off my feet as you confess feelings so deep, happily strung along, forgetting all that has gone wrong, veiling the abrasions, bandaging the scabs, praying you don't give me another reason to bleed.

Fallen Angel

She's a beautiful disaster the morning after, master of the walk of shame. Genius at this game, if there were a hall of fame, she'd be the next inductee. A mesmerizing disgrace as mascara and eye liner run down her face, yet she still manages to look lovely. Beyond and above thee although she still wears last night's clothes. Everyone knows what she's done but she holds her nose high, sporting her crumpled attire with pride. Though she can hear the whispers of her peers, she never breaks her stride. Fallen angel as her mind floods of imagines of her, him, sheets tangled, hair mangled in his hands, just a participant in her one night stand. Her bed ridden hair generates multiple stares tell that she'd gone for a ride, not that she'd dare deny. This wolf cries no lies, neither does she try to disguise what she has done as she marches bravely towards her room.

Just A Thought

Life is to short to resort to such madness, embrace the pain. Too busy frowning to realize that a smile is more worthwhile. Anger leaves to nothing to gain. Hatred is too strong of a feeling, find a better way of dealing with your stress. The sun shines too bright to be trapped inside negativity that bleeds as dark as night.

Case Of The Ex

Surprised that I still feel butterflies whenever your name crosses my mind. A beautiful nightmare that I should have known would bring about despair and yet I still chose not to care. An unyielding desire that sparked an erupting fire whose smoke was not returned. A painfully yearning, sinfully burning addiction, devastating affliction, heavily doped on the thought of love. A fatal attraction as I would have died trying to seek your satisfaction, still amazed by my dramatic reaction to your interest, distressed that I am still a mess every time you confess your feelings to me. Begging that you put my heart out of its misery. Refusing to fantasize about you and I in finer times, struggling against my need for reality and greed for optimism, often leading to a broken heart. Torn between wanting to work it out and knowing that we should be apart.

The Rain

I see the beauty in rain.
Standing in its glory, pouring down my skin.
A cool shower that covers me, clouds hover over me.
Soothing as it rolls, seeping into my soul.
Refreshing, a disguised blessing,
dressing itself as fearful weather,
secretly a treasure designed solely to heal.
Never knew beauty like this
each drop feels like a forbidden kiss sealing unconditional love.
Puddles gather deep as the sky weeps
tears people refuse to shed, a tortured soul,
destined to suffer the pain that others hold inside.
Nothing more powerful than these tears cried
Addressing the fears that others hide.

Smiling

Recently I've been feeling a little down and out, 0ver-analyzing about what things could have been but ceased to be. Constantly frowning about why my life has not been going my way. But I figure that there's no need to sit around drowning in negativity. I have so much going for me. No need to complain about spoiled milk, especially when God has been spoiling me in so many other ways. I have a beautiful family, and no matter how broken it may be, I'm glad that its the one I have. I'm blessed to have so many people out there caring about me. PLUS I'm practically a genius! Okay no not really but being able to maintain a 3.78 GPA at a prestigious college while being on a dance team with two jobs is a feat within itself. AND I have never wanted for anything in my life. Everything that I have wanted and needed (and even a few things I didn't want) I have been given easily. My mother and grandmother made sure of it. I have amazing friends that have stood by me, helping overcome all of the bullshit that I have faced in my life. I can't really ask for more than that. So instead of frowning on the few things that have not gone my way in life, I'm going to smile about the many things that have gone right and trust that everything that has not yet fallen into to place for me will eventually do so in due time :)