Case Of The Ex

Surprised that I still feel butterflies whenever your name crosses my mind. A beautiful nightmare that I should have known would bring about despair and yet I still chose not to care. An unyielding desire that sparked an erupting fire whose smoke was not returned. A painfully yearning, sinfully burning addiction, devastating affliction, heavily doped on the thought of love. A fatal attraction as I would have died trying to seek your satisfaction, still amazed by my dramatic reaction to your interest, distressed that I am still a mess every time you confess your feelings to me. Begging that you put my heart out of its misery. Refusing to fantasize about you and I in finer times, struggling against my need for reality and greed for optimism, often leading to a broken heart. Torn between wanting to work it out and knowing that we should be apart.

The Rain

I see the beauty in rain.
Standing in its glory, pouring down my skin.
A cool shower that covers me, clouds hover over me.
Soothing as it rolls, seeping into my soul.
Refreshing, a disguised blessing,
dressing itself as fearful weather,
secretly a treasure designed solely to heal.
Never knew beauty like this
each drop feels like a forbidden kiss sealing unconditional love.
Puddles gather deep as the sky weeps
tears people refuse to shed, a tortured soul,
destined to suffer the pain that others hold inside.
Nothing more powerful than these tears cried
Addressing the fears that others hide.

Smiling

Recently I've been feeling a little down and out, 0ver-analyzing about what things could have been but ceased to be. Constantly frowning about why my life has not been going my way. But I figure that there's no need to sit around drowning in negativity. I have so much going for me. No need to complain about spoiled milk, especially when God has been spoiling me in so many other ways. I have a beautiful family, and no matter how broken it may be, I'm glad that its the one I have. I'm blessed to have so many people out there caring about me. PLUS I'm practically a genius! Okay no not really but being able to maintain a 3.78 GPA at a prestigious college while being on a dance team with two jobs is a feat within itself. AND I have never wanted for anything in my life. Everything that I have wanted and needed (and even a few things I didn't want) I have been given easily. My mother and grandmother made sure of it. I have amazing friends that have stood by me, helping overcome all of the bullshit that I have faced in my life. I can't really ask for more than that. So instead of frowning on the few things that have not gone my way in life, I'm going to smile about the many things that have gone right and trust that everything that has not yet fallen into to place for me will eventually do so in due time :)

Masquerade

A Beautiful Masquerade. A deceiving facade that mesmerizes me into being played. Once again dismayed, as my heart has been betrayed, shattered. A disaster as I try and master the art of healing a bruised heart. Tired of all the bullshit disguised as nice guys. Is it too much to want to socialize with someone who has my best interest in mind? Now I may not be the finest, but I am kind. Too kind, blinded by the light that shines bright, bringing beauty to light and shadowing the evil that lurks close behind. Despite the effort I exert, the might I apply, I still seem to attract deceitful guys, driven by their one-tracked minds, equipped with the capability of capturing damsels distressing, believed to be a blessing, knights in shining armor, undeniably charming, using alluring personality as a disarming technique, bringing vulnerable girls to their knees. Optimistic girls like me, ones that believe in a fairy tale ending, Not realizing that I'm attracted to wolves in sheep's clothing.

They Say

The grass always greener on the other side. Or at least that's what's always said. But when I tried to take a peak at the other side, there was nothing but mud and flies. Take the time to stop and smell the flowers. Or at least that's what I'm always told. But when I took a sniff, they were unpleasantly sour. The early bird gets the worm, or at least that's what I hear. But even when I rise before the sunrise, they all have disappeared. To my dismay, things aren't always as "they say." That's why I find it's necessary to take the time to investigate matters for your self. Can't live your life based on the words of someone else.

Distorting Dreams

Lonely girl, trapped in a condescending world distorting dreams, screaming reach for the stars yet cautioning not to steer far from reality. Now she's lost, stuck somewhere in between, striving for success, all the while maintaining a pretty smile as authority tells her she's a pretty child but chances of her amounting to anything is pretty mild. Refusing to be devastated, she uses critism as motivation, destroying any doubts laid out, consisting of her amounting to nothing, buffering the sounds of those imposing on her dreams, seeking her demise, disguished as caring friends, pretending to give a shit about where she fits into society but honestly wanting her to fail. Despite lack of support, she sails, better yet she soars, sweeping past those who have held her back before, realizing that all the while they were disguished to benefit themselves and realistically she is by herself, all alone, trapped in a condescending world, expected to fend for her own.

In The Moment

Warm air brushes my ear as you whisper sweet nothings that sound so sincere, but I know are false. But I have nothing to lose, so I engage in this fantasy, taking in everything you're saying at all cost. It's a price that I'm willing to pay to stay in this extasy, refusing to wait another day though I could take my time, spend this moment with some other guy. Instead I'm stuck in this moment in time, soaking in your lies, mesmerized everytime you stare into my eyes. Caught in a trance, driven by the slight chance that words uttered in this moment may be true, allowing myself to be naive and believe the nothings that seem so real, soft lips that graze my cheek as I refuse to speak, drifting away, too lost in this moment that we have. But, in the aftermath, I laugh aloud as you sleep, wondering aloud why I allowed myself to be so weak. Not caught up in ideas of you or me, too concerned with living out a fantasy that has now ended. And as I question your motives and mine I come to find that you aren't the only one that has lied. I tried to convince my myself that I was the victim, feeding into the lies of you, I have realized that you weren't the only one being untrue. I fell into the role of a girl misused when the truth is that I used you too. There was no trance, nor was I weak. And I definitely was not was naive, just a girl looking to satisfy needs. I fed into your lies only because they were compatable with mine. I played the role you were looking for, the vulnerable girl that longed for more, and you were the nice guy that was sly enough to cross the line.