Masquerade

A Beautiful Masquerade. A deceiving facade that mesmerizes me into being played. Once again dismayed, as my heart has been betrayed, shattered. A disaster as I try and master the art of healing a bruised heart. Tired of all the bullshit disguised as nice guys. Is it too much to want to socialize with someone who has my best interest in mind? Now I may not be the finest, but I am kind. Too kind, blinded by the light that shines bright, bringing beauty to light and shadowing the evil that lurks close behind. Despite the effort I exert, the might I apply, I still seem to attract deceitful guys, driven by their one-tracked minds, equipped with the capability of capturing damsels distressing, believed to be a blessing, knights in shining armor, undeniably charming, using alluring personality as a disarming technique, bringing vulnerable girls to their knees. Optimistic girls like me, ones that believe in a fairy tale ending, Not realizing that I'm attracted to wolves in sheep's clothing.

They Say

The grass always greener on the other side. Or at least that's what's always said. But when I tried to take a peak at the other side, there was nothing but mud and flies. Take the time to stop and smell the flowers. Or at least that's what I'm always told. But when I took a sniff, they were unpleasantly sour. The early bird gets the worm, or at least that's what I hear. But even when I rise before the sunrise, they all have disappeared. To my dismay, things aren't always as "they say." That's why I find it's necessary to take the time to investigate matters for your self. Can't live your life based on the words of someone else.

Distorting Dreams

Lonely girl, trapped in a condescending world distorting dreams, screaming reach for the stars yet cautioning not to steer far from reality. Now she's lost, stuck somewhere in between, striving for success, all the while maintaining a pretty smile as authority tells her she's a pretty child but chances of her amounting to anything is pretty mild. Refusing to be devastated, she uses critism as motivation, destroying any doubts laid out, consisting of her amounting to nothing, buffering the sounds of those imposing on her dreams, seeking her demise, disguished as caring friends, pretending to give a shit about where she fits into society but honestly wanting her to fail. Despite lack of support, she sails, better yet she soars, sweeping past those who have held her back before, realizing that all the while they were disguished to benefit themselves and realistically she is by herself, all alone, trapped in a condescending world, expected to fend for her own.

In The Moment

Warm air brushes my ear as you whisper sweet nothings that sound so sincere, but I know are false. But I have nothing to lose, so I engage in this fantasy, taking in everything you're saying at all cost. It's a price that I'm willing to pay to stay in this extasy, refusing to wait another day though I could take my time, spend this moment with some other guy. Instead I'm stuck in this moment in time, soaking in your lies, mesmerized everytime you stare into my eyes. Caught in a trance, driven by the slight chance that words uttered in this moment may be true, allowing myself to be naive and believe the nothings that seem so real, soft lips that graze my cheek as I refuse to speak, drifting away, too lost in this moment that we have. But, in the aftermath, I laugh aloud as you sleep, wondering aloud why I allowed myself to be so weak. Not caught up in ideas of you or me, too concerned with living out a fantasy that has now ended. And as I question your motives and mine I come to find that you aren't the only one that has lied. I tried to convince my myself that I was the victim, feeding into the lies of you, I have realized that you weren't the only one being untrue. I fell into the role of a girl misused when the truth is that I used you too. There was no trance, nor was I weak. And I definitely was not was naive, just a girl looking to satisfy needs. I fed into your lies only because they were compatable with mine. I played the role you were looking for, the vulnerable girl that longed for more, and you were the nice guy that was sly enough to cross the line.

Self-Love

As time passes me by I realize that I have become to despise the girl I once was. One who relied on every guy that past me by for love that I was not receiving from one man who was not home, long gone. One who barely settled in before he decided to roam. I've learned that one cannot force the love of outside sources and should instead resort to sorting out ways to love one's self. The greatest achievement is self-worth and self-love is golden, a feeling that cannot be stolen or replaced by a superficial love molded from somewhere else. There's no better feeling than to love yourself. The best love comes from inside, love that cannot hide behind any mixed emotions and confused devotions of those that don't really love you. You cannot expect someone project love towards you that you do not reflect inside because you neglect to respect and yourself. Self-love has set me free from the girl I used to be, a girl searching the entire world for the love that continued to flee from a man that was supposed to love me unconditionally, a man that I now refuse to call daddy.

The Reasons Why

Here's A New Post For Those Who Wish To Read
The Reasons Why

It seems like yesterday our relationship was young and new.
I can't believe seven months have past,
there's no one else I'd rather be with than you.
I have never been known to make a relationship work,
and somehow we keep pushing through.
I know people question and doubt the bond that we share,
but when I look back at my past relationships,
nothing else even remotely compares.
I know at times it gets really hard,all I can ask is that we continue to try.
Our relationship has been a success, and here are a few reasons why.

Reason One:
To my surprise a relationship arises out of an amazing friendship. People always say the best relationships arise when the two involved are best friends. A smile glued to my face proving that I'm glad I decided to give us a chance.
Reason Two:
Our relationship had its first test. You went away for a while and I was a mess. It was difficult to be a part but somehow we got through. We proved that we were capable of maintaining our relationship even when a part, a big sign of how we'd handle what was to come.
Reason Three:
We breezed through my usual two month relationship curse, letting me know that we were serious about making this work. I can't even remember the last time I was able to deal with one person for longer than 2 months. You let me know that it was possible.
Reason Four:
We hit a rough patch and I wasn't sure if we were gonna make it through. But we came together and worked through our problems, showing that we were not going to give up without a major fight. We proved that we what we really wanted was each other.
Reason Five:
I realize that there is no one else I'd rather be with. Each day I become more and more in love with you and you become more in love with me and there's no other way I'd rather have it. And I know that we will go through plenty more hard times but I know that we are strong enough to make it. Love you <3

It's Been A While

I have to make sure I'm keeping everyone updated.

1. I went home for Thanksgiving. One word-AMAZING! It was probably one of the smartest decisions that I have made in a while. I definitely needed the break from BC. The NINETEEN HOUR bus ride (YEAH BUS RIDE!!!) gave me a lot of time to think and reminisce about life. In the words of the Great Joe Tecce (my Psychobiology professor lol) "Meditation is the best stress reliever." I got to deal with a lot of my problems without worrying about someone else judging me.

2. While home I got to see my boyfriend. I think I say him five days out of the week I was home. Can you say OVERDOSE??? Except I could never get enough of him. He is what's bringing a smile to my face everyday. The fact that I hadn't seen him since AUGUST!! made me super excited to spend as much time with him as possible. I can't think of any other way to have spent my break.

WE SPENT OUR FIRST HOLIDAY TOGETHER!!!! YAY!! I finally met more of his family and he met mine. It was a great way to spend a holiday.

3. My best friend is the shit. She always shows me a good time whenever I'm home. Chick had me up until 4 something in the morning doing crazy shit, FIGHTING IN THE STREET AT 2 AM!!! Fun times lol. And she hooked my hair up. Clipped my ends and everything. Now I'm extra fly!

4. Now I'm back on campus and my grades are really looking good right now. In the words of the great Ron Stoppable (Disney's Kim Possible lol) BOO YOWWW!! I'm coasting right now, floating on cloud 17!! (EFF CLOUD NINE!!!) And I'll be home in LIKE TWO WEEKS!! I can't believe this semester is over!!!

Oh yeah, Life is pretty damn good right now :)